oh.PERFECT.now ive just deleted my entry after typing so much. so everything has to go wrong now. right now when i think theres more than enough mess. why cant we return to where everything was less sophisticated and unfledged.why do i have to hear words i shouldnt be hearing.whispers i shouldnt hear.faces i shouldnt be seeing.

why is it so hard to pick up from where ive fell.ive lost all my optimism right now. i hope this is just temporary.because carrying this around me is just to heavy. ive tried but it doesnt make any difference. ive TRIED. i said I HAVE. this isnt as easy as a just-dont-think-about problem. why do they say these are inevitable.why do the frowns extend.

am i paranoid....or am i paranoid.

its not the same anymore. they say this shite happens everywhere,work,army,evrywhere. well.dont tell me that because i dont understand. i dont even understand mine. the unsuspecting gets suspected. i wish this would simply stop.

i think i need a walk. by myself.